our loss

Back in early November, we found out we were pregnant with our third baby.  We had been trying for a baby since the spring,  so we were glad we finally had a "+". We went to our first ultrasound and found out I was only six weeks along, but all looked well. We dove into the holiday season with a whirlwind of activities.  Just as one might expect in the first trimester, I was nauseous, exhausted, and a little grouchy. I felt frumpy in all of my clothes which didn't fit and was bummed I felt crummy during my favorite season.  In the past, I felt better between twelve to fourteen weeks, so I was counting down the days to the twelve week mark. Despite that, we began envisioning our family of five starting July 21st and were very excited.

On the day I turned 12 weeks, I developed some troubling symptoms and we all went to the ER where we later found out the baby's heart had stopped beating around the 9.5 week mark. Later that night, back at home, I had a miscarriage.

I've always known miscarriages are common (about 20% of pregnancies end this way), so I'm always cautiously optimistic until my second trimester, but we let our guard down a little more this time around Christmas so we could tell family (I was 10-11 weeks, so felt I was almost to the mark). In some ways, I feel foolish for having not realized it for almost three whole weeks (although there wasn't any outward indications).  In other ways, I'm glad it all happened naturally and quickly (versus a surgical procedure) and before we had gone along any further. 

As a pro-life family, we value life starting at conception, so this baby was a member of our family. My doctor was very understanding and helpful on this matter and our baby, although small, will be buried at a group burial site with other miscarried babies (a kind service our hospital offers). We mourn for the little life that never got to experience the world and whom we never got to hold. We are coming up with ways to remember him by, so his life is not as if it never happened.

I've been thinking of other families/children who suffer losses and I'd ask you to consider keeping the following in your thoughts and prayers:
-parents who've been waiting too long for a child of their own
-parents who've lost their babies before they even had a chance to hold them
-orphaned children who are waiting to join a loving family
-parents who have had a child leave this world and now must continue on without them

May the Lord comfort these families and hold all the precious children in His loving arms until we are all reunited again.

our little one at 6.5 weeks (the only photos we have), still very small

I'd also like to share this beautiful song sung by a musician at our church. I often listen to it as a start of my day and it is one of my favorites. I hope it brings you peace and comfort today, also.